Moving abroad can be an expansive experience full of opportunities for growth. It can also be quite a strange, and surprisingly uncomfortable experience too.

One day you may be looking around thinking, I can’t believe I get to live here! The next, you may find yourself missing the smallest things from home – your usual supermarket, the friend who never needs an explanation, your favourite coffee order, or simply knowing how everything works.

That is one of the contradictions of expat life: you can be grateful for the opportunity and still find parts of it very hard. You can love where you live and still miss home. And your life can looked settled ‘on paper’ while still searching for a deeper sense of belonging.

If you have been wondering how to feel more at home while living abroad, it may help to stop thinking of ‘home’ as something you either have or do not have. Feeling at home is often something we build, slowly, through familiarity, connection and the little rituals that make life feel like ours.

1. Create familiar anchors in your week

When so much around you is different, familiar routines can give your nervous system and your mind something steady to return to.

This does not need to be complicated! It might be a Saturday morning walk, a Sunday morning coffee shop, a weekly call home, a favourite exercise class or cooking the same family meal every Sunday night.

The more small points of familiarity you create, the less your life can feel like one long temporary experience.

2. Let yourself miss home without making it mean something is wrong

Missing home does not automatically mean you made the wrong decision by moving abroad.

Homesickness can appear months or even years after a move, particularly around birthdays, family milestones, changing seasons and holidays.

I personally have felt more homesickness while living in the USA, than I ever did living in Asia… maybe it’s the time difference and only having a specific window each day to speak with loved ones back home.

Rather than arguing with the feeling, try naming it: I miss my people today.

I miss how easy life used to feel. I wish I could be in two places at once. Sometimes acknowledging what you are feeling takes away the pressure to immediately fix it.

3. Build connection before you desperately need it

One of the hardest parts of moving abroad is rebuilding your support network. Adult friendships take time, and expat communities can be particularly fluid as people continually arrive, and then leave.

Try not to wait until you feel lonely to reach out. Start as soon as you arrive.

Accept the coffee invitation. Join the group. Message the person you clicked with. Invite someone for a walk. Connection is often built through many ordinary interactions rather than one instant friendship like when you were 6 years old on the playground.

>> Want to feel more connected in your expat life?

Building meaningful friendships can make all the difference when you’re living abroad — but making friends as an adult isn’t always easy.

→ Read next: How to Make Friends as an Expat

4. Bring pieces of home into your new life

You do not have to choose between your old life and your new one.

Keep the traditions, foods, music, celebrations and routines that matter to you, and adapt them to where you live now.

At the same time, allow yourself to create new traditions too. Over time, these become part of your family’s story too.

One of my clients was telling me she’s been living out of boxes and suitcases for 3 months now, as she isn’t sure how permanent this living situatioin will be. But she’s been struggling with anxiety, feeling lost and overwhelmed. First things first I said – UNPACK THOSE BOXES! You’ve got to make your ‘home’ environment FEEL like somewhere you want to be, no matter if its a 1 month or 2 years stay. Organizing your living space will help your nervous system to relax, and being surrounded by the comforts of home will help you feel grounded.

5. Notice how much you have already learned

When you are focused on everything that still feels unfamiliar, it is easy to overlook how far you have come.

Think back to your first few weeks abroad:

• What can you now do without thinking?
• What once felt intimidating that now feels normal?
• Which relationships have you built?
• What have you learned about yourself?

Your confidence has been quietly building in the background, sometimes you need to deliberately look back to see it!

6. Ask yourself what you need in this season

The version of expat life you needed in year one may not be what you need in year three, five or ten.

Perhaps you need more community. Perhaps you want to return to work. Perhaps you are craving creativity, independence, adventure or a stronger sense of purpose.

Instead of asking, Why am I not happier? try asking: What would help this chapter feel more like mine?

7. A small reflection for this week

Take five quiet minutes and ask yourself:

• What is already making this place feel like home?
• What am I missing most right now?
• What is one small thing I could add to my week to feel more connected or grounded?

There is no single right way to build your new life abroad! Feeling at home can take time, and it can change as you do. Give yourself permission to create a version of expat life that feels like yours – not the version you think you should be having.

Navigating life abroad?
Expat Women’s Collective is here to help you feel more connected, confident and supported wherever in the world you call home. Explore our resources and support created specifically for women living abroad.

EXPAT WOMEN’S COLLECTIVE

Support, connection and guidance for life abroad