I recently came across a statistic that stopped me in my tracks, and if you’re an expat woman who’s given up a career to support your partner’s move abroad, it might hit home for you too.

According to research from Dr. Yvonne McNulty published in Human Resource Development International:

👉 79% of trailing spouses had a career before relocating
👉 But only 36% are able to continue working after the move

As someone who’s now lived in three different countries as a trailing spouse, I was floored – that is a staggering drop. And I know firsthand through the stories of so many women I’ve coached over the last 7 years that this shift isn’t just about a change in job title or the family’s dual-income financial position.

It can shake your entire sense of ‘identity’.

Not being able to work can impact: Your Mindset > Confidence > Mental Health > Overall Wellbeing

There’s even a term for when things start to unravel: “Trailing Spouse Sydrome”

Which refers to the emotional and psychological distress experienced by a spouse who relocates, often overseas, primarily to support their partner’s career advancements.

While it’s not a formal diagnosis, it’s a recognized phenomenon marked by feelings of loneliness, depression, and a loss of self-worth. These emotions are often intensified when the spouse has had to give up their own career, goals, or special interests in the process.

Dr. McNulty’s study, which surveyed 264 trailing spouses across 54 host locations over four years, found that while the majority had established careers prior to relocation, only a minority were able to maintain their professional roles abroad. The reasons? Visa and work permit restrictions, language barriers, and limited local opportunities.

It’s part of their identity and who they are.

Our jobs often provide a space for growth, learning, fulfillment and daily connection. But more importantly, they give us independence and a deep sense of purpose.

So, when all of that disappears overnight because of a visa restriction, language barrier, or lack of opportunity, it’s no surprise that feelings of emptiness, frustration, and resentment arise.

Many expat women grieve the life or identity they feel they’ve lost.

But, here’s the good news:

Even if you can’t work right now, there are ways you can still find fulfillment and purpose in this season of life. It may look different than what you imagined, but that doesn’t make it any less meaningful.

Your career may be on pause, but your purpose doesn’t have to be.

Here Are 5 Coaching Strategies to Help You Find Fulfillment (when your career is on hold)

1. Reconnect with Your Strengths

Just because you’re not using your professional title doesn’t mean you’ve lost your skills. Start by identifying your core strengths.

• What are you naturally good at?
• What did people predominantly come to you for at work?
• Think beyond job titles. Your strengths can show up in new ways, whether it’s problem solving at home, organizing community events, mentoring others, or managing the stress and logistics of a family transition. Your skills are transferable, even if the setting changes.

Coaching Tip:

Write down your top 3 strengths, and ask: How can I use these in my current environment—through volunteering, mentoring, or personal projects?

You might also enjoy learning more about your strengths from: The Cliftons Strengths Finder https://store.gallup.com/h/en-us/

Sometimes the greatest growth comes from the space we didn’t plan for

2. Create a Personal Project or Passion Goal

Having a project that’s yours (even outside of paid work) can reignite your sense of purpose. This could be launching a blog, learning a language, studying a new skill, or creating a small community initiative.

• What’s something you’ve always wanted to try or learn, but never had the time for?
• If you had a blank slate and no limitations, what kind of project would you create just for you?
• What lights you up? Something that you could do forever and it never feels like work? What kind of project could you create playing to that enjoyment?

Coaching Tip:

Set one meaningful profect goal for the next 90 days. Choose something that lights you up and challenges you in a good way.

Example: When I arrived in Singapore I attended many coffee meet ups hosted by this wonderful Irish expat I met. The group was called “DP’s United” which I found on Facebook. It started during the pandemic and specifically held coffee mornings for anyone on a Dependant Pass (DP) visa looking for connection. Sadly, within a few months of me arriving her family decided to leave Singapore and move home. With her departure I didn’t want our local meet ups to stop as I personally got so much out of attending! I decided to put my hand up and take over volunteering to host one coffee meet up per month, and in turn became an admin for the group. At first I committed to 3 months to see if liked it. Turns out this was an incredible way to make new friends and a true highlight of my time in Singapore!

3. Volunteering Will Give You More Than You Think

Volunteering is a powerful way to make a meaningful contribution and build genuine connections in your new community. Look for opportunities that align with your values, interests or past experience, most non-profits are always in need of support! From hands-on help at events and fundraisers to packing boxes, delivering goods, or assisting with admin tasks, every contribution counts.

Over the years, I’ve volunteered in all kinds of ways. From stocktaking books and beach cleanups to writing internal “how to” guides and social media policies. One role even led to an invitation to join the organization’s executive committee reporting to the board of directors, where I helped develop and launch educational PR and digital marketing campaigns.

Some expats have even discovered entirely new career paths through volunteer roles they fell in love with!

Coaching Tip: Choose a cause that excites you and that you are passionate about. But also set clear boundaries on your time (eg. hours per week/month) so that it remains fulfilling and not overwhelming amount of work.

Great volunteering opportunities to explore:

• Local food bank or soup kitchen
• Womens shelters
• School or library programs – reading/tutoring English
• Language exchange programs
• Community centers – event support or teaching workshops
• Wildlife conservation
• Animal shelters or animal fostering
• Local park or beach clean ups (always much needed in Asia!)
• Community gardens
• Recycling or sustainability nonprofits
• Museums and galleries – tour guide, event support
• Local cultueral festivals
• Hospitals or aged care facilities
• Mental health nonprofits – peer support lines, fundraising events
• Charity fun runs – volunteer coordination, event support
• Become a coach for a sport you enjoy
• Organizing an arts, craft or hobby group
• Local mentoring programs – big brothers, big sisters, refugee support
• Corporate mentoring – offering guidance for women in your specific career or skillset
• Charity organizations – if you have a skillset in finance, accounting, marketing, or social media they always need support!
• International/expat women’s groups – become a meet up host! (great way to meet a lot of people)

Many international expat organizations (like Internations, American Women’s Clubs, Australian/New Zealand expat groups) often post specific volunteering opportunities that are already for non-citizens, non-fluent speakers, and newcomers! Otherwise, try the organizations website directly and search local neighborhood Facebook groups etc.

4. Build Your Own Community or Network

Connection is a major part of feeling fulfilled. If you can’t find a community or group that fits your interests… I always say go out and create one!

Whether it’s a coffee circle, book club, craft hobby get together, weekly tennis game or skill-sharing workshop, leading something can reignite a sense of identity and belonging.

You would be surprised at how many other expat women are in the same situation looking for fulfillment and ways to make friends with similar interests. If you love hiking, morning walks or exercising in the park – there is no doubt someone else will love doing those things too!

Drop a comment in the local Facebook groups you’ve already joined:

“Would anyone be interested in joining me for (XYZ) next week? I’ll book a table and we can meet at 10am. If you have a friend who might also be interested bring her along!”

Hosting a meetup isn’t as scary as you would think. It’s by far the easiest way to meet other people who have similar interests. If you’re missing having someone to paint or draw, knit or play mahjong with, this is a wonderful way to find your community!

Be specific about whom you’re looking to join your group eg. women’s weekly knitting circle, and start perhaps with monthly or bi-weekly catch ups until you have a core group of consistent attendees.

If for some reason you don’t get any interest the first time you post the idea, don’t be discouraged! Try again next week, or put out an invite on a different group/platform or for another hobby or special interest. Not everyone is on Facebook daily and some people may already have a commitment for the day you suggest. Just keep going!

I remember the coffee meet up group I hosted in Singapore went from 8-10 rsvps monthly, dwindling down to 2-3 people for a few months in a row. Even though we had grown to 60+ women in the group list! I was beginning to think maybe no one was interested anymore? I almost decided to stop offering. But the conversations I had with the women who did come in the smaller group were so fulfilling I just kept going – for my own sake! I really looked forward to it each month. Then after a 3 month lull I was shocked to see 12 women rsvp again! Turns out a number of new expats had left and newbie’s had just arrived. I couldn’t believe it! It was well worth the effort to keep going.

When your group gets big enough there are a number of “group” platforms to use to keep up the communication. From setting up a basic Facebook messenger group or using WhatsApp (private) to the more public MeetUp or GroupMe apps where you can advertise your events to a wider audience via a link.

Coaching Tip: Ask yourself: What kind of group or community do I wish existed here? Now go build it!

5. Study, or Invest in Personal and Professional Growth

Use this time to study or learn something to advance your career later or take on a new skill. Perhaps there is something you’ve always wanted to learn about but have never had the capacity.

This also might be the first time in a while (or ever!) you’ve had space to focus your attention inward, on personal development. Perhaps think about using this season to heal, grow, and explore who you are in this phase of life, outside of your career.

Personal development books, online courses, or working with a mentor or coach can be deeply rewarding. The journey of self-discovery is often the key to creating a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

Part of the challenge is the belief that: “If I’m not working, then I must be falling behind or wasting this precious time”.

Any learning you embark on = growth. And the inner work is just as important (if not more!) than the achievements you put on paper.

Coaching Tip:

• Think about a subject, topic or new skill you would like to study. Research available courses or intro workshops (bonus points if that course is face-to-face so you can meet other like-minded women!)
• What’s one area of personal development you’ve been curious to explore, but haven’t ever had the time?
• Who do you admire? Is there something they’ve learned and you always thought it was interesting and you’d love to know more about?
• What kind of learner are you? (Books, podcasts, courses, group workshops, mentorship?) Choose a format that excites you.

Block out “learning time” in your weekly schedule – just for you.

Communicate Your Needs

Losing access to your career and professional goals abroad can feel like losing a part of yourself. But it’s highly likely that your spouse or partner is not going to fully understand your complaints or experience! They aren’t living with the same constraints and challenges you are. They have a job to go to, they get to work with real people, use their brain and skills for exciting projects and to solve problems – EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!

Open communication is key here, to help them understand your needs.

Share how you’re feeling… when you’re feeling it! And tell them what you need to stay connected to your identity and feel a sense of purpose during this expat assignment abroad.

Whether that means simply carving out time and space (alone!) for attending group meet ups, volunteering hours, or working on special projects. Or a line item in the monthly or annual budget for your personal development and professional growth – like strengths discovery tools, online courses, wellness workshops, creative hobbies, or enlisting a mentor/coach.

Your needs matter!

When your partner understands that investing in your fulfillment benefits BOTH your wellbeing, relationship AND the family, it becomes a shared goal. Rather than a solo struggle.

REMINDER: Your career is NOT the only thing that defines you. You are SO MUCH MORE than the work you do! You can and you will add value – to every circle you encounter.

-Janel Briggs

Still unsure where to start, or how to begin? Let’s figure it out together!