The people you meet along the journey will be one of the best parts of expat life.

From the locals who invite you into their homes, to the other expats who you share a lived experience with – it’s the family you get to choose while living overseas.

My husband is still very close (chats weekly!) with some of the local friends we made 15 years ago on our first company sponsored assignment in the USA.

And once you tap into the expat community in your new country, you’ll find yourself surrounded by the most fascinating, diverse, and inspiring people you’ll ever meet.

I’ll never forget my first coffee meetup in Singapore. I sat at a table with eight women from all over the world. Women who had lived in multiple countries, spoke three to five languages, and had the most amazing travel stories to share.

It was in that moment that I realized: 💡 I had found my people.

One of the main reasons we chose to leave Australia at the end of 2021 was because we were ready for a new chapter. We had ticked all the boxes at home – started a family, bought a house, built a business, successful career, even added a dog to the mix. Life was full, but deep down we felt there was something more calling us. We were craving more adventure, cultural diversity for our son, and the chance to broaden our circle with people on a similar path.

And expat life? It gave us that richness through the people we met.

Even though expat life is transient, and you’ll see friends come and go, you build a global network of incredible people, some of whom will remain lifelong friends.

❔ How to Connect with Other Expats

Join expat Facebook groups, attend local MeetUp events, and become a member of InterNations:

• Attend international networking or social clubs
• Look for language exchange meetups (even if you don’t need to learn a language).
• Sign up for expat-organized social events like brunches, coffee mornings, or guided tours.

The sooner you put yourself out there, the sooner you’ll find your expat tribe!

This wave of emotions, stress and overwhelm is something many expats don’t anticipate. At first, it can feel confusing: you’ve made this big move that’s supposed to be exciting and full of opportunity, so why do you feel so heavy?!

The fact is, you’re uprooting your entire life! This brings more than just logistical challenges. It shakes your sense of belonging, and can even reshape your feeling of identity.

You’re also stepping way out of your comfort zone! Leaving behind familiar faces, routines, and sometimes even your previously stable career and income for this opportunity.

ALL of these emotions are a natural part of adjusting to such a major life change. Please remember you’re not alone in experiencing them.

❔ What Will the First Year of Expat Life Be Like?

The first year you’ll likely experience a range of emotions be aware of:

• Frustration when things don’t go to plan (they won’t always! Prepare for logistical delays and hiccups)
• Anxiety around adjusting to a new country, putting yourself out there socially and learning ‘life’ all over again (every country has its quirks!)
• Loneliness & homesickness when the novelty wears off and you’re yet to ‘find your people’ loneliness and homesickness be there
• Uncertainty around decisions (did we make the right choice?) and future long term plans (visas, when should we move home etc)

WORK UNCERTAINTY

The first six months can be extremely stressful. Adapting to a new environment, leadership style, expectations, and work culture takes time. And honestly, if I had a dollar for every expat who told me the job they signed up for was completely different from the one they walked into on arrival, I’d be very wealthy by now!

For example, when my husband and I moved to Singapore, the executive he had interviewed with (the very reason we made the move) announced his departure to Zurich just weeks after we arrived! Suddenly, my husband was reporting to someone new in the UK with zero visibility, and was left without a team in the same country. Within another few months, the person in the UK left, and his reporting line shifted yet again. By the end of his first year abroad, he’d had three different bosses — none of whom were located in Singapore or the person he had originally agreed to work for!

💡 The Lesson to Learn?

👉 The only certainty about expat life is the uncertainty! Expat work contracts are not always stable. Visas and local government requirements can and will change.

So, if you’re someone who struggles with change or hates last-minute surprises, it’s important to know that living abroad means uncertainty is inevitable.

The more flexible you can learn to become, the easier it is to ride the emotional roller coaster! Be prepared to adapt and face challenges together as a team, and your journey will be that much smoother

No one tells you exactly how to budget for life in a new country. You can be meticulous with your spreadsheets and a perfect planner, thinking you’ve covered every possible line item… but trust me, there will always be unexpected costs you didn’t see coming.

My best advice: don’t max yourselves out. Keep a savings kitty aside for the unforeseen expenses that are likely to pop up in your first 0–6 months. Things like:

• Insurances – health (dental and vision upgrades), car, house, furniture contents, school/sports, etc
• Driver’s licenses and car registrations – can often be double the cost for international drivers
• Medical checks – school admittance exams and vaccinations, work or visa health exams (not covered by the company)
• Utility connections – if you’re moving into a brand new rental often these fees can be high
• New electrical goods – yes, the company will likely give you a lump sum payment for buying electrical items BUT it rarely covers everything (we moved into a rental house in the US with poor lighting, so needed multiple lamps for every single room!)
• School expenses– there are always more costs than accounted for! (oh hey, forgot to tell you about the $500 for text books, $300 for uniforms, $395 for ipad rental per year per child – due on arrival!💸)
• Kids Activities – in order to help your kids transition as quick as possible I always recommend to get them into activities they love as soon as possible. Specially if you’re moving over a long summer break! You do not want them to have idle time to “get bored and homesick”. Camps can be pricey $750 per week in Singapore to be exact (plus $100 for bus!). Sports like basketball can be $60 per session (1 hour training + 1 hour game =$120 WEEK 💸).

Or, about that time we arrived in Singapore to find out every apartment lease was 2-year term for expats which required two full months rent as a security deposit bond ($13,600 SGD!). Thankfully, the law changed after we arrived and we didn’t ALSO have to pay the agent fee of an additional 1-month’s rent ($6,800)!

Or, like the time we arrived in Florida during summer hurricane season, and within two months of our arrival (before our furniture shipment even arrived) were hit by not one, but two major hurricanes. So dangerous in fact, we were under mandatory evacuation by local authorities and spent 2 weeks in an overpriced hotel. Then two weeks later our son was admitted into hospital with appendicitis, needing emergency surgery! Three unforeseen events in 60 days put us out of pocket THOUSANDS(s) of dollars. Def not in the budget.

Or like that time we had to enroll our son in school before we even arrived in Singapore due to admittance cut offs – only to later discover there was a housing shortage on the island. The only apartment we could find within budget (and suitable) ended up being 40 minutes away from the school. Oh, and btw… that means you’ll be paying an extra $1,000 SGD PER TERM(!) just for school bus fees. Yay.

So again, just to reiterate I AM a firm believer in not maxing out your expenses from day one in a new country. Anything can happen!

1. Keep a savings account for “emergencies”
2. Always upgrade your health insurance if the company only provides base level coverage (we’ve been caught out!)

Moving abroad can at times put a huge strain on your relationship. Which is something I learned the hard way. There is no expat manual that’ll tell you exactly “what to expect” as each person’s experience can be totally different.

The first time I moved abroad with my husband in 2007, I felt like I gave up everything for him – my career, my support network, and my comfort zone.

• While his career was thriving and he was too busy with work to fill that void for me, I was frustrated and resented him for it.

• While he found it so easy to make friends, created a wide social circle and regularly got invited out to sports games, I felt stuck at home alone still trying to “find my people”, I envied and resented him for it.

• While he was “living his best life” mine appeared stale and stagnant, I felt jealous and resented him for it.

Resentment, bitterness, frustration, anger, jealousy, envy – these emotions can quietly build beneath the surface when one partner feels they’ve sacrificed more than the other for the move.

Left unspoken, they often spill over into arguments that strain the relationship, creating distance instead of connection. Over time, if these feelings aren’t acknowledged and worked through, they can erode trust and even threaten the foundation of the partnership

Thankfully, I was wise enough to realize the best thing I could do for myself and our relationship is find support to help me work through and process my emotions.

But, it took me a long time (and lots of coaching!) to realize that the only person that is responsible for my happiness – is me. And I was the only person that could change the negative experience I was having. I needed his understanding, but essentially I had to do “the inner work”.

It’s Even Harder for Trailing Spouses Who Can’t Work

This dynamic is especially challenging for expat wives or trailing spouses who can’t work. In many countries, strict visa rules make it difficult (or even impossible) for them to work. For couples who are used to a dual-income household, this sudden shift can ADD financial stress and emotional strain.

It’s not unusual for one partner to feel resentment and frustration for giving up their career, identity, or financial independence (life!) for the other’s opportunity abroad. Often women, professional successful career women – for the first time in their marriage – have to embarassingly ‘ask for money‘ (!!) when they’ve always been self-sufficient and a contributor to the family.

This is something MANY expat women I speak to struggle with.

In Singapore as a Dependant Pass holder I wasn’t allowed my own bank account, OR even able to get dual-access to my husbands accounts! I was a ‘Cash Queen’ for the first 6-months until I got my business visa and my own bank account. It was literally like going back to living in the 1950’s with zero financial independence. IT WAS HARD.

💡 If you’re moving abroad with a spouse as a first time expat, here’s my advice:

• Talk about expectations before you move! If you found this blog insightful – share it with them
• Be honest about your struggles, feelings and emotions – it might be uncomfortable but don’t let the resentment build into walls that cannot be broken
• Find purpose outside of your relationship – a job, hobby, volunteering, exercise or social group
• Keep the communication channels open – for both of you. Expat life has many roller coaster rides, know that you may not be on the same ride at the same time.
• Lean on each other with compassion and give grace/space

Can Expat Life Strengthen A Relationship

YES! Please understand that I am giving you the raw honest scenarios here but expat life can also strengthen a relationship.

Perhaps if work and kids commitments had you living worlds apart prior to your move – then expat life, having to depend only on each other, living a quieter pace, travelling more, being more financially stable, learning a new language or beginning a new social network together – can 100% bring you closer together.

This has been my experience becoming an expat again later in life in our mid-40’s (and after my husband and I did a lot of work on ourselves!).

But only if both partners agree to communicate and support each other through all the highs and lows.

-Janel Briggs